Category Archives: New York City Counseling and Psychotherapy

Learning Disappointment from David Mamet and “American Idol”

Posted on April 13, 2011 by

David Mamet says that each scene in a play or film should answer three questions: “Who wants what from whom? What happens if they don’t get it? Why now?” This week we’re focused on the second question: what happens if you don’t get what you want? Do you keep trying? Shift your tactics a bit and keep trying? Do you blame? Do you fall apart? Continue reading →

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Learning Dependency from David Mamet

Posted on April 8, 2011 by

“Who wants what from whom? What happens if they don’t get it? Why now?”

These are the three questions that writer David Mamet says each scene in a play or film should answer. They’re questions I find myself asking in treating couples, as well. This post will deal with the first question. Continue reading →

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Big Love

Posted on March 31, 2011 by

We come not to bury Bill Henrickson, but to praise him, or at least the wonderful HBO series, “Big Love,” in which he was the protagonist. I got HBO when my patients were asking what I thought of Dr. Melfi from “The Sopranos” and her therapeutic approach with sociopathic (duh!) mob boss Tony. And now I’ll be missing Bill, a Utah Mormon who lived in a “plural marriage” with his three wives and many children (I lost count). Continue reading →

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Finding a Therapist Online

Posted on March 24, 2011 by

When choosing a restaurant for a special occasion, I go online. I check the menu and prices on the restaurant website; browse the Menupages reviews to learn about the dining experience of other customers; and look up any New York Magazine or New York Times reviews. If you’re looking for a therapist and don’t have a recommendation from someone you trust, you may look online, as well, since we’ve learned to do that for everything. I strongly suggest that you don’t read reviews of therapists. Continue reading →

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Are You Doing All You Can?

Posted on March 17, 2011 by

Are you doing a little bit, a reasonable amount, or everything you can to boost your satisfaction in life, to reach your goals? You may be saying, “Hey, life is long. I’m taking the scenic route.” Nothing wrong with enjoying your life every day! The question is whether you’re childishly expecting great results through minimal efforts.

If you’d like to harness all your resources to help yourself, therapy is a great help. If you’re using your very good brain to come up with why you can’t possibly reach your goals in life, rather than using that brain to deal with the obstacles you need to work through, therapy can be a lifesaver, or at least a satisfaction saver! Continue reading →

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Comfort Zone

Posted on March 10, 2011 by

Letting your comfort zone dictate your choices will stop you from living life to the fullest, because you’re limiting your new experiences and new experiences help us grow. If you stay in the middle of your comfort zone, it will shrink accordingly—your neighborhood, then your apartment, your bedroom, and finally your bed! Wouldn’t it be better to expand your comfort zone?! Continue reading →

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Love: Noun or Verb?

Posted on March 3, 2011 by

A few years ago there was a recurring TV spot aimed at getting kids to be more active, “Verb: It’s what you do!” Many people I see in individual and couples treatment look at love as a noun. It’s something someone gives you—and usually the person isn’t giving you enough! Continue reading →

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Checking the Boxes

Posted on February 24, 2011 by

Many people start treatment because they have a certain dissatisfaction in life. They look good on paper, but their successes feel empty. They’re checking the boxes in life. Treatment allows you to more fully enjoy your life, rather than checking boxes to impress someone else! Continue reading →

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Sustainable Relationships

Posted on February 16, 2011 by

A friend sent me a link to an interesting article by Tara Parker-Pope in the New York Times (read here) in response to my previous relationship post, “Is This the Right Person for Me?”. It discusses the premise that couples who have exposed each other to new experiences, thereby growing in ways that they would not have on their own, feel greater happiness and satisfaction in the relationship. Continue reading →

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Is This the Right Person for Me?

Posted on February 9, 2011 by

“Is this the right person for me?”

How many times have you heard your friends ask this question when they’re dating someone? Or maybe you’ve asked it yourself. The answer is….(insert drumroll here): It’s the wrong question! Continue reading →

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