Sweat the Small Stuff? Appreciate the Small Pleasures!

Many times the small details make all the difference. Maybe it’s a particular seemingly unimportant ingredient or mixing method in a recipe that makes the difference between a delicious dish or an inedible one. Or it’s the right “tag” in a joke that really turns up the humor. Or placement of the decimal point in a proposed budget item. The memory of a quiche I made in the early 1980s in which I incorrectly “guesstimated” the amount of dried sage to use kept me from using dried sage in anything for years!

Just as small details can ruin a recipe or a proposal, they can also improve a joke, or the addition of that little bit of cornmeal in the crust of a quiche can add textural interest. Appreciation of small pleasures can change the “tone” of a day and increase our enjoyment of life. 

Perfection’s not the goal. Everyday enjoyment is!

This is decidedly not a meditation on the importance of never making even the smallest mistake, or a support of perfectionism! It’s more a reminder not to sweat the small stuff and instead to look for and appreciate small pleasures. It’s easy to let a small detail ruin your day. The burned toast, the cloud in front of the silver lining, the heat and humidity of August in NYC are all examples of things you can allow to decrease your pleasure. 

Flight to annoyance or finding the wonder?

Many years ago when my daughter was a toddler, we flew to visit relatives. We were on a packed flight that had been delayed, so many of our fellow passengers were visibly and audibly cranky. Our morning flight became a late afternoon flight. 

Planes were a novelty to my daughter and she loudly commented and asked about everything she saw. “Mommy, why is part of the wing moving?” “Looky, the clouds are under us now!” “Why are the cars and roads so small?” “Why is there a ding before someone starts talking?” “Who’s talking?” “Look, look, look: the sky is pink!!!” 

As I answered her questions and looked where she pointed, I tried to get her to lower her voice (“indoor voice, Sweetie”), thinking of the business travelers in surrounding seats that she must be disturbing. She was too excited to listen, and I wasn’t willing to tamp down her enthusiasm. The businessman in the row in front of us turned to me, and I braced for his irritation. 

“I generally take ten flights a week,” he said, “and I have forgotten how amazing it is. Hearing your daughter reminds me of what I take for granted every day. I would’ve missed that beautiful sunset without seeing the experience through your daughter’s eyes. Thank you!” 

Wow. That’s a man who didn’t take the opportunity to be irritated or offended by a small child’s curiosity and excitement. He focused on the small pleasures of flight. 

But life’s not all beautiful sunsets, right?

I’m not suggesting that life is always filled with beautiful sunsets. We all know otherwise. I’m suggesting that we can cultivate a mindset to appreciate little everyday pleasures, and that this mindset can help us fully enjoy everyday living—and manage the hard times we all deal with. 

We can tamp down our kids because we’re concerned about what others may think of us and our parenting, or we can try to see the world through their young eyes and enjoy our children for themselves. We can celebrate and encourage their curiosity and sense of wonder—and incorporate more of it in ourselves.

Finding small joys and cultivating a pleasurable mindset

One lovely way to go for the small pleasures is an iOS app called Magic Hour or the android equivalent called Golden Hour, both of which show you when the light is most beautiful around sunrise and sunset. Photographers use these to time the best natural light. I use them to time my walks along the river for prime visual pleasure. For Manhattan residents, check out the phenomenon known as “Manhattanhenge.”

If this way of looking at life feels unnatural, you were likely raised in an environment that didn’t emphasize small pleasures and everyday appreciation. It can take help to see things differently. I’d love to help!

If you’d like to learn to enjoy your life more fully, contact me.

Click here for more information on depression treatment.